lazy-elf-cover

Santa’s Birthday was soon, and the laziest elf,

Had forgot to go shopping, and berated himself

“What should I get him?” He questioned his shrink

“It’s not what you buy him, it’s how much you think!”

The elf wasn’t listening, rather wondering if

He had something at home that could make a good gift

He checked all his closets and under his bed

Until a light bulb flickered on overhead

“I’ll make him a movie! A holiday classic!

That sure beats a tacky old gift made of plastic

But where do I start? Do I even have time?

Better write out the script, and make sure that it rhymes.”

The lazy old elf started plotting the story

He scrapped it at once when he realized “It’s Glory…”

He continued to draft it again and again

Until what he had was the pilot to Friends

“If I can’t write a script that is anything new,

I’ll create a great screenplay by mashing up two!”

So he fleshed out a plotline by jumbling scenes

“I can’t wait to play this on Santa’s flat screen!”

He hired somes elves to film his blockbuster

And re-cast an actress when a love scene disgust her

When the feature was finished, the cast and crew clapped

He added a bow, and yelled out “That’s a wrap!”

Just as he finished, a producer approached

“You’ve infringed on our rights, and we’ll sue you, you roach!”

They took him to court over copyright laws

His film was a mashup of Footloose and Jaws

They seized his one copy, and burned down the set

“I would just buy a gift card, but I’m too deep in debt…”

The birthday arrived with the elf empty-handed

His spirits fell flat even more than his plan did

He watched as his peers handed Santa their presents

They mostly were lousy, though a couple were pleasant

“Where’s yours?” a friend asked of the lazy old elf

And he burst into tears, quite beside of himself

“I wrote him a screenplay, and filmed the whole pic

But Hollywood sued, since I copied their shtick”

“Ho ho ho! Is that so?” Santa bellowed with mirth.

“Great idea that you had. You don’t see what that’s worth?

“You could have just bought me a gift card or mug,

“Or dumb, cheesy coupons that promise free hugs.

“So you needn’t worry, please don’t be distraught.

While your hands are still empty, what counts is the thought.”

So they feasted on cake, til each got their fill

And logged into Netflix, finally ready to chill.

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Callison Slater (StringStudios)@CalSlaterString Studios ProductionsCalSlater