Santa’s Birthday was soon, and the laziest elf,
Had forgot to go shopping, and berated himself
“What should I get him?” He questioned his shrink
“It’s not what you buy him, it’s how much you think!”
The elf wasn’t listening, rather wondering if
He had something at home that could make a good gift
He checked all his closets and under his bed
Until a light bulb flickered on overhead
“I’ll make him a movie! A holiday classic!
That sure beats a tacky old gift made of plastic
But where do I start? Do I even have time?
Better write out the script, and make sure that it rhymes.”
The lazy old elf started plotting the story
He scrapped it at once when he realized “It’s Glory…”
He continued to draft it again and again
Until what he had was the pilot to Friends
“If I can’t write a script that is anything new,
I’ll create a great screenplay by mashing up two!”
So he fleshed out a plotline by jumbling scenes
“I can’t wait to play this on Santa’s flat screen!”
He hired somes elves to film his blockbuster
And re-cast an actress when a love scene disgust her
When the feature was finished, the cast and crew clapped
He added a bow, and yelled out “That’s a wrap!”
Just as he finished, a producer approached
“You’ve infringed on our rights, and we’ll sue you, you roach!”
They took him to court over copyright laws
His film was a mashup of Footloose and Jaws
They seized his one copy, and burned down the set
“I would just buy a gift card, but I’m too deep in debt…”
The birthday arrived with the elf empty-handed
His spirits fell flat even more than his plan did
He watched as his peers handed Santa their presents
They mostly were lousy, though a couple were pleasant
“Where’s yours?” a friend asked of the lazy old elf
And he burst into tears, quite beside of himself
“I wrote him a screenplay, and filmed the whole pic
But Hollywood sued, since I copied their shtick”
“Ho ho ho! Is that so?” Santa bellowed with mirth.
“Great idea that you had. You don’t see what that’s worth?
“You could have just bought me a gift card or mug,
“Or dumb, cheesy coupons that promise free hugs.
“So you needn’t worry, please don’t be distraught.
While your hands are still empty, what counts is the thought.”
So they feasted on cake, til each got their fill
And logged into Netflix, finally ready to chill.